


teddy bear

by wonnietv (heoneybee)



Series: there's a place in my heart in the shape of you [2]
Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drabble, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 23:54:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heoneybee/pseuds/wonnietv
Summary: hyunwoo is like an open book; too easy to read for everyone that took a moment to watch the letters form in front of their eyes. hyungwon knows that they spell out his name.





	teddy bear

**Author's Note:**

> this is the sequel to house cat and while it /can/ be read separately it probably makes more sense to read that one first 
> 
> (also this is not proof read there might be typos,,)

it’s two in the morning and by the quiet murmur of voices hyungwon knows that minhyuk and kihyun are still awake. he’s disoriented in the dark, but has been forced to pad the way to their bathroom often enough to know where to step without opening his eyes. he squints at the ground when climbing down the ladder so he doesn’t miss a step (again) and shuffles over someone’s dirty socks and hoseok’s sweatpants. hyunwoo is snoring softly on the other bed and the sound makes hyungwon want to crawl right back into his and continue sleeping. he shouldn’t have drank sikhye before going to sleep.

two pairs of brightly dyed heads turn to him when he stumbles out of the room and hyungwon makes the discovery that kihyun’s hair is blinding, even at night with the television as their only source of light.  
“hyungwonnie? are you okay?” there’s that worried edge in kihyun’s voice when he gets off the couch and takes a step closer that makes him feel warm in weak and vulnerable moments. he’s not the youngest, he doesn’t need kihyun watching over him. it’s easier when they’re bantering instead and hyungwon doesn’t have to spend time worrying how he came across, what he said, did and which weakness and flaw he exposed.

“toilet.” his voice is rough from sleep and he’s only managed to hold one eye open so far. he doesn’t need kihyun to help him or kihyun to baby him, but he’s too tired to protest and his orange head isn’t bright enough to distract from the affectionate smile on his lips. kihyun sees him struggling and steps closer, curls a small hand around the crease of his elbow and pulls him towards the bathroom. he turns on the light and nudges hyungwon inside before closing the door. hyungwon stands there for a moment before he tries to find the toilet by stumbling around the room with his arms outstretched and eyes closed. the light in the bathroom is too bright and by opening his eyes he risks losing the sleepiness that made his eyelids so heavy.

their promotions period just started and hyungwon knows that he won’t be able to get a lot of sleep for the next couple of weeks. changkyun and jooheon are probably still at the studio and who knows were hoseok is, but it’s definitely what’s keeping minhyuk and kihyun awake. it’s surprising that hyungwon isn’t the only one who got into bed already — although, he definitely got into bed before anyone else — but hyunwoo has complained about feeling tired today. _his own fault_ , hyungwon thinks bitterly as he washes his hands with water that’s too hot and turning his skin a bright pink.

comeback preparations weighed heavy on them all, but hyunwoo had certain responsibilities as the leader and one of those responsibilities is hyungwon. it’s selfish of him to think that way, but he thought that their time curled up together was as nice for hyunwoo as it was for him. at this point it has been so many years since hyungwon first placed his head on hyunwoo’s lap and took one of the most comfortable naps he ever took as a trainee and even if it’s silly, hyungwon thought of it as their tradition.

hyunwoo hasn’t been outwardly rejecting him, either, but he’s always busy when hyungwon tugs on his sleeve or curls up against his side and the way he ends up pulling away hurts. minhyuk once commented that hyungwon did a good job at wrapping hyunwoo around his finger and making him do whatever he wants and while, in his bashfulness, he has told minhyuk to shut up back then, he likes knowing that others saw it too. for him it wasn’t about making hyunwoo do whatever he wants, but having others notice that hyungwon was special to their leader in some way made his chest expand with too many emotions to pick apart.

maybe he should have pulled away when he noticed it first because too many emotions usually meant too much trouble and it works best to keep a safe distance. sure, there’s members he’s closer to than with others, but hyungwon still usually has enough walls up and enough control over himself to pick which sides he wants to show and which he wants to stay hidden. it was relatively easy with all of them, but then there’s hyunwoo and his smile is carefree and naive, like a child’s. hyungwon feels guilty at the thought of having to play pretend with him, but he can’t express how he feels so he curls against his side, lays his head on hyunwoo’s chest and listens to his heartbeat, allows it to lull him to sleep.

he thinks about the rain softly hitting the window and the warmth of hyunwoo’s arms when he allows hyungwon to curl up in them, his thin body draped over the leader’s on their tiny living room couch. he thinks about hyunwoo’s lips brushing against his forehead — they’re plump and soft and gentle when they whisper his name. hyungwon thinks about his voice that’s laden heavy with affection when he coos, a smile so clearly audible in every word.

hyungwon has his walls up — always, constantly. but hyunwoo is as simple and easy to read as a book. his actions and thoughts are clearly written out and placed conveniently right in front of hyungwon’s eyes, just for him to read. hyungwon can guess what the tenderness to the leader’s voice means and knows that his heart hammers against his chest too fast whenever hyungwon presses his ear against it. he knows that his own beats in the same rhythm and that his face sometimes betrays him when their eyes meet, that his voice turns that bit sweeter when he’s talking to hyunwoo. hyungwon knows all of this and yet he never pulled away — but hyunwoo does.

he leaves the bathroom with a sigh, relieved to be rid of the burning light behind his closed lids as soon as he switches the light off. the sleepiness was still there, but by now he’s squinting both eyes at his surroundings and the ease with which they stay open leaves him slightly miffed. kihyun shouldn’t have turned the light on.

when he passes the living room again, minhyuk and kihyun are both sitting on the couch, slouched over the coffee table and a bowl of chips. they’re speaking in soft voices, minhyuk’s husky rumble unintelligible from where hyungwon is standing. he pauses for a moment and considers curling up with them instead. he could easily indulge in it — just this once and only because of hyunwoo’s repeated rejections. it would be easy to curl his body against kihyun’s warm side, let him brush fingers through hyungwon’s hair while he tucks his frozen toes beneath minhyuk’s thigh. kihyun probably wouldn’t say anything, minhyuk might tease, complain for a moment but quickly curl long fingers around hyungwon’s ankle and brush his thumb over the protruding bone.

his hesitation didn’t go unnoticed and both kihyun and minhyuk look up at him at once. kihyun smiles and minhyuk shifts, makes space in between them and hyungwon quickly turns away to hide just how obvious he is.  
“goodnight.” he mumbles instead. kihyun says something in return but the sound is already drowned out by the television.

their bedroom is void of sounds and almost too quiet when the door falls shut behind hyungwon. he leans against it for a moment, blinks his eyes open in the darkness. a few single stripes of light squeeze their way past the closed blinds, but hyunwoo’s bed is still cast in absolute darkness. hyungwon can just about make out the shape of his right shoulder and back.

the room feels too quiet and hyungwon only realises he’s holding his breath once he tries to listen in for hyunwoo’s. when he got out of bed before, he was too sluggish and his thoughts too drowsy to pay attention to anything, but he is quite certain that he heard hyunwoo snore. and hyunwoo is an obvious sleeper; from his soft snores to his loud and deep breaths.

hyunwoo is awake.

sometimes, hyungwon has a rather childish streak. he knows that he would be petty enough to walk right out of the room and go sleep on the couch, nestled between minhyuk and kihyun. sneaking into the other bedroom to sleep in kihyun’s bed was also an alternative and after pulling away and rejecting him time and time again it’s what hyunwoo deserves, hyungwon thinks.

his mind is almost made up when hyunwoo shifts and his body turns. by now hyungwon thinks he can also make out the silhouette of his face if he stares long enough and hyunwoo must be staring back because after a deep sigh he says: “hyungwon, go back to sleep.”

hyungwon keeps his lips clumped shut but he wants to ask why hyunwoo is awake himself. he also wants to ask what it is to him if he sleeps or if he’s awake when he’s been costing hyungwon so many hours of lost nap time by pushing him away. he wants to ask _why_  hyunwoo is even pushing him away in the first place, what has changed from the wild flutter of his heart to now, where hyunwoo didn’t want to touch him at all. hyungwon wants to question him, but he keeps his mouth shut from fear of sounding too bitter, too obvious. too vulnerable.

“hyungwon? are you okay?” hyunwoo sounds worried. he sits up in bed and hyungwon realises he has yet to move and yet to say a single word. his eyes are wide open by now and his head is starting to pound from the sheer restlessness of his buzzing thoughts. he nods and steps forward and feels lost right away. hyunwoo seems to know, he seems to _see_  the signs of hyungwon’s body that betray the weight that’s resting on his shoulders because he reaches out and offers hyungwon his hand in the dark.

“come here.” hyunwoo whispers and it’s like the call of a siren. hyungwon’s body moves before his mind has come to the resolve that he’s going to follow the call. warm and soft fingers wrap around his wrist and pull him to stand right next to hyunwoo’s bed. hyungwon hears the rustle of covers, feels fabric brush against his bare knee and hyunwoo’s free hand curling around the back of his thigh, pulling. for a second, hyungwon still remains stubbornly stiff, unwilling to just fall back into their usual pattern after being denied for so long. it only lasts a second because hyunwoo is warm and hyungwon can see the mess of hair on his head and the sleepy eyes that are blinking up at him.

he scolds himself for giving in too quickly when he slips beneath the covers next to hyunwoo. it’s not quite the same as always; hyungwon is still and hyunwoo is keeping his hands to himself, sans for the fingers that are wrapped around hyungwon’s wrist and softly stroking the tender skin on the inside of his forearm.

hyungwon knows how petty he can get and he also knows now isn’t the time for it, not if he wants things to return to how they were before.  
“hyung,” he starts and hates himself for the meek sound that leaves his mouth, “why were you avoiding me?”

“i’m sorry.” hyunwoo says right away. hyungwon expects the same excuses as before. he expects hyunwoo to tell him that he was simply too busy and too tired and has no time, when hyungwon remembered the exact moment hyunwoo started to act different. a small moment caught on camera where hyunwoo reached out to brush his fingers through hyungwon’s pink hair and froze. later on, when hyungwon watches the video, he realises that the leader looked startled at his own actions, maybe slightly panicked. he looked like he acted without thinking, but actions like those were nothing new between them. they happen in private all the time.

“about being too busy?” hyungwon prompts. he notices he’s holding his breath when hyunwoo sighs and releases his wrist. neither of them are good at this. neither of them are usually the type to talk about what’s going on between them, but things had also been running smoothly and hyungwon always assumed there was nothing to talk about if there was nothing to fix.

“no.” hyunwoo shakes his head. there is a lot to fix now — there is a lot they could talk about. “about lying to you.” the answer he receives doesn’t leave him satisfied. it leaves him numb and too conscious of the dull ache in his temples. he’s been thinking too much and worrying too much and that’s not how their arrangement works.

hyungwon keeps quiet and waits for more, but hyunwoo is shifting and wraps a familiar arm around his shoulders. he’s pulled closer, pressed against the familiar chest with the fast paced heartbeat that has become his favourite lullaby. hyunwoo nuzzles at his hair, exhales warm breath through his nose and hyungwon feels his own body melt. fingers are splayed along his back; they’re almost shy in their movements as they stroke along the bumps in his spine, as if hyunwoo was waiting for permission.

it comes in the form of hyungwon’s helpless resignation — he throws a leg over both of hyunwoo’s, hooks his heel over the back of hyunwoo’s calf and shifts until he’s stretched long and comfortable half on top of hyunwoo.

“i know that it’s hard for you to talk—“ hyungwon slurs the words against hyunwoo’s throat. he isn’t even sure what he’s trying to say, but the leader doesn’t give him a chance to continue.

“i panicked. when i noticed how… how i treat you even in front of others and it got caught on camera i panicked.”

neither of them is good at this. hyungwon thinks that one of the reasons him and hyunwoo ended up so close is because they didn’t need words. they shared silences and they shared intimate moments cocooned away from the rest of the world without needing an explanation or a label.

“because you don’t want them to know i’m your favourite?” hyungwon asks in return. he knows that’s not it — he knows it because of the way their hearts beat in synch and hyunwoo’s fingers brush his thigh, clammy and nervous — but hyungwon doesn’t want to push onto new, unexplored ground where he could lose his footing too easily and end up getting hurt. what he wants is his safe haven back, his favourite teddy bear without which he can’t find peaceful rest; he wants to fall asleep in hyunwoo’s arms under the cover of playing favourites. he wants everyone to brush their proximity off as the two tall, soft giants that end up going out for dates because there’s no one left to eat with. hyungwon doesn’t want a risk, he wants a security blanket that was temporary denied to him — even if the stars in his eyes and the sweet timbre of his voice betray the depth of his affection for hyunwoo.

words have never been their thing and when hyunwoo exhales and inhales and nods his head once, hyungwon feels grateful that he doesn’t need to use them.  
“yeah…” hyunwoo noses at the crown of his head and places a feathery kiss against hyungwon’s forehead. the hand on his thigh travels to the back of his knee and tugs him impossibly closer. hyunwoo is like an open book; too easy to read for everyone that took a moment to watch the letters form in front of their eyes. hyungwon knows that they spell out his name.

“but you’re my favourite too, so…” hyungwon starts and stops. he feels blood rushing to his ears and curls the hem of hyunwoo’s shirt around his finger in bashfulness.

“so?” hyunwoo asks.

“so.” hyungwon finishes uselessly. so don’t push me away, don’t reject me anymore, he thinks. so keep me closer and closer than anyone else when we’re alone, hyungwon reasons inside his head, but can’t quite bring himself to say the words.

he doesn’t need to. hyunwoo huffs out a laugh and presses another kiss against hyungwon’s pink head, this time more firm.  
“try and sleep now, hm? you must be tired with all the naps you’ve missed.”  
the words _‘whose fault is that’_  rest heavy on his tongue, but hyungwon decides to close his eyes and swallow them.

“okay.” he mumbles in reply.

they don’t need words. they don’t need a label; hyungwon can just continue to pretend that they’re nothing more than a lazy house cat and it’s favourite teddy bear.

**Author's Note:**

> i also now have a separate fic [twt](https://twitter.com/wonnietv) just for spoilers and updates as well as a [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/wonnietv) for questions n prompts!


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